Grief is a journey

My dad left this world a little over six months ago. Since that time I've learned many things, but mostly I've learned that grief is a journey. It's not a final destination, it's not breathing through the initial shock, it's not surviving the funeral or all of the details, it's a journey. It definitely comes over you in waves and at first it's all about getting through the waves when they are the strongest. Then the waves become a part of the new you. You realize they are not going to go away, you have to learn to live with them.

A few other insights from the past six months:

1. After a loss of a parent you become a different person. You don't make this choice, it just happens. You are different. I'm a fatherless daughter. There's a hole and a sense of emptiness and I don't think the hole will ever be filled.  You won't understand it until you have been through it and you don't want to understand it, it's heartbreaking. My friends who had lost their dads before me were a great comfort to me the first few days and weeks after his death. I knew they "got it" and they were living with a great loss themselves and I was now a member of their club.

2. You begin to truly appreciate each day. Each day is a gift and although the grief is always there your eyes are open to the true beauty of the moment.

3. You have no tolerance for drama or politics. I had very little tolerance for it before but now I have absolutely no room for drama of any kind in my life. Time is too precious to waste the energy.

4. The bigger the love the greater the sense of loss. My dad and I had our ups and downs like most relationships but I always knew he loved me. He loved me and those around him BIG. Because his loved and lived BIG, I feel a big sense of loss. But, I also have big memories that carry me through the waves.

5. You won't realize the true impact he had on your life until he is gone. I worked with my dad every day for the past eight years but I did not realize just how much he meant to me until he was gone. It was only when I could not call him, when he didn't walk in the door at the office, when his seat was empty at the dining room table that I fully understood his enormous presence in my life and the life of my boys.  

6. He is always with me. I feel his presence often.  Sometimes is a cardinal that lands on the tree outside of my office window at just the right time. Sometimes it's a whisper, a voice that guides me. Sometimes it's a word or expression. You just have to listen and be aware.

7. Loss let's you see more clearly. Sometimes it's things you don't want to see but things you need to see. The truth somehow comes to light. You learn who you can really trust.

8. You won't "get over it." It's not something you will ever get over. You will learn to live with the loss but it will never go away and those who have not experienced it will not understand it. You can't expect them to understand.

9. Nothing can prepare you for the initial sense of loss. My dad was sick for several years and I knew his years were numbered but nothing could have ever prepared me for that moment, that phone call; it was the biggest shock of my life. God carried me through, that is the only way I managed those first few days.

10. You learn that life will go on. It will be forever changed but you can choose how to walk through the journey.

I'm choosing to walk through this journey by living and loving BIG in his honor, one day at a time....

Grace and Peace,

Misty

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