It's been a year, perspective

Dear Dad,

It's been a year, 365 days since you left us and went home. I've dreaded this day for an entire year and now it is here.

When I woke up this morning, my first thought was I made it through an entire year without you and survived. I haven't fallen apart yet, I'm smiling and laughing and remembering you today on this beautiful fall day. I might fall apart later. That's the thing about grief. It's sneaky and it's a nasty beast. Some days it feels like a blanket wrapping itself all around me and some times it feels like a deep dark hole.

We all survived loosing you, our family's biggest supporter, and strong hold. It wasn't just the loss of you it was the loss of things we thought were true and real, the loss of your big presence in our daily lives, the loss of the best Pops there ever was, the loss of your warm chuckle, and your love for good food and adventures. It was a big loss because you were a big person in all of our lives.

I guess you already know but I wanted to update you on the boys. Bryce, he's coming into his own. He's matured a lot this last year. I didn't realize it but he chose a few of your prints from the office and they are hanging in his room. Remember that Allen Hughes duck print you had forever, from the 80's? It's hanging above his bed and the Tinman 1 license plate; it's been in his car for a year. He has your favorite Cubs hat too, it went with us to game two of the World Series and he wore it the entire journey.

Drew, made another hole in one. Remember you called him Ace? He loved that nickname. He's funny and quirky and navigating his way through high school. Garret, plays every sport game for you. He told me he talks to you before every game and  he knows you are watching him.

We may never understand why you left us the way you did or when you did. I won't dwell on all of the heartbreaking, crazy things that happened this year. I will be joyful that I came out of this year stronger than I was before and more determined to live each day big. Speaking of living and loving big, I've been doing it in your honor all year. Did you see how much I loved the beauty of Ireland and soaked up the Cubs World Series victory? I know you did, I felt your presence with me.

Thank you Pops for always loving us and for giving of yourself to us daily. Thank you for never saying a bad word about anyone and letting us form our own opinions that you knew would stick more than your words ever would.

Keep our Mimi company up there for us. We will keep on keeping on, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other down here. #luvlivebig

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

Grace and Peace,
Misty