Abide in me

We all have challenges, good days, not so good days, stress, and circumstances we did not ask for and we can not control. 

We also all can have faith, hope and the ability to fight for ourselves, the attitude to not give up. With that we can balance knowing when it's time to make time for ourselves to heal. That is a choice we can make every day. 

It is a choice I have been making the last few years since experiencing symptoms of Functional Neurological Disorder (FND). Symptoms began in 2021 after a stressful event and looking back I know years of trauma led up to it. The main symptom was a tremor in my left hand.

The Holy Spirit strongly spoke to me recently this verse, "Abide in me and I in you." John 15:4. We do not face our battles alone.

It took two years, and many doctor appointments to receive a diagnosis. Good health care providers are hard to find and the system is broken, expensive and exhausting. My first neurologist appointment was defeating. I was referred by my primary care doctor for the tremor. I did not google possible tremor causes prior to the visit so I was not at all prepared for the possible diagnosis. The nurse practitioner spent a few minutes talking to me (did not even glance at my detailed medical history), asked me to write my name and walk down the hallway. Five minutes later she says you have either had a stroke or have Parkinson's. Then follows it up with, "Don't worry girl we will get it figured out."

Two months later after waiting for a MRI appointment and more waiting for the results it's determined that I did not have a stroke. It's then recommended I test for Parkinson's with a DAT scan that requires you to swallow a liquid that makes you radioactive and often produces false results or is not read correctly. At this point I realize I need another opinion which led me to a second neurologist who spent even less time with me then the first one. He told me, "You have Parkinson's, I'll get someone to schedule a test." He quickly walks out of the room. The scheduler eventually comes to the room and I knew more about the test process than he did and had to tell him that Methodist North is the only hospital in town that is covered by my insurance that can administer the test. Have I mentioned the medical system in this country is broken? I almost stopped searching, I was tired, so tired.  During this time I also had covid twice and major dental work. 

My husband encouraged me, it was time to reach out to friends for advice and referrals. Symptoms were progressing and I finally realized it was not temporary. My friend Tammy led me to an amazing nurse practitioner at Semmes Murphy. Initially it was diagnosed as an essential tremor then FND. When I read the symptoms and causes of FND it was like the pieces to the puzzle fit, it made sense. It was a relief because I finally understood. Understanding and accepting though are two different processes. It took me awhile to accept it. 

It's a rare disorder, there is no medication for it, not much focus is placed on research in the U.S. The U.K. is far more advanced in the research of FND. Since today is International FND Day and April is FND Awareness month I thought it was time to tell my story to do my part to create awareness and help others who may have symptoms or a diagnosis. There is power in community and I truly love helping others. 

My treatment plan is fluid, I continue to work out with Pure Barre and yoga, massage therapy and sessions with a Certified Brain Therapist at a Christ centered clinic. My therapists are amazing and walk alongside me on this journey. I also work to manage my nutrition and most recently have seen the benefits of hydrogen water, grounding and breathing.  I am willing to try other options as well, these methods seem to lesson the symptoms. And most importantly I allow myself to rest and prioritize my health (this is challenging for me because I'm a doer and a fixer). My husband is my rock and supports me in so many ways every day.

I am grateful my symptoms seem mild compared to others with FND and work every day to balance the weakness and fatigue with the daily tasks of managing a business and my family. I often say my body had enough, as my RuRu would have said, my nerves were shot. My neurological system took the hit for years of stress and trauma and protected me from something worse. I would not have slowed down, rested or walked away from unnecessary stress, situations or people on my own. 

So now I rest, I choose peace and healing. I hope you do too. 

While it might take me a little longer to get there, I walk a little slower and don't stay as long. I'll keep on getting up, dressing up and showing one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. 

Grace and Peace, 

Misty 

#luvlivebig #bthelite

https://fndhope.org/