Abide in me

We all have challenges, good days, not so good days, stress, and circumstances we did not ask for and we can not control. 

We also all can have faith, hope and the ability to fight for ourselves, the attitude to not give up. With that we can balance knowing when it's time to make time for ourselves to heal. That is a choice we can make every day. 

It is a choice I have been making the last few years since experiencing symptoms of Functional Neurological Disorder (FND). Symptoms began in 2021 after a stressful event and looking back I know years of trauma led up to it. The main symptom was a tremor in my left hand.

The Holy Spirit strongly spoke to me recently this verse, "Abide in me and I in you." John 15:4. We do not face our battles alone.

It took two years, and many doctor appointments to receive a diagnosis. Good health care providers are hard to find and the system is broken, expensive and exhausting. My first neurologist appointment was defeating. I was referred by my primary care doctor for the tremor. I did not google possible tremor causes prior to the visit so I was not at all prepared for the possible diagnosis. The nurse practitioner spent a few minutes talking to me (did not even glance at my detailed medical history), asked me to write my name and walk down the hallway. Five minutes later she says you have either had a stroke or have Parkinson's. Then follows it up with, "Don't worry girl we will get it figured out."

Two months later after waiting for a MRI appointment and more waiting for the results it's determined that I did not have a stroke. It's then recommended I test for Parkinson's with a DAT scan that requires you to swallow a liquid that makes you radioactive and often produces false results or is not read correctly. At this point I realize I need another opinion which led me to a second neurologist who spent even less time with me then the first one. He told me, "You have Parkinson's, I'll get someone to schedule a test." He quickly walks out of the room. The scheduler eventually comes to the room and I knew more about the test process than he did and had to tell him that Methodist North is the only hospital in town that is covered by my insurance that can administer the test. Have I mentioned the medical system in this country is broken? I almost stopped searching, I was tired, so tired.  During this time I also had covid twice and major dental work. 

My husband encouraged me, it was time to reach out to friends for advice and referrals. Symptoms were progressing and I finally realized it was not temporary. My friend Tammy led me to an amazing nurse practitioner at Semmes Murphy. Initially it was diagnosed as an essential tremor then FND. When I read the symptoms and causes of FND it was like the pieces to the puzzle fit, it made sense. It was a relief because I finally understood. Understanding and accepting though are two different processes. It took me awhile to accept it. 

It's a rare disorder, there is no medication for it, not much focus is placed on research in the U.S. The U.K. is far more advanced in the research of FND. Since today is International FND Day and April is FND Awareness month I thought it was time to tell my story to do my part to create awareness and help others who may have symptoms or a diagnosis. There is power in community and I truly love helping others. 

My treatment plan is fluid, I continue to work out with Pure Barre and yoga, massage therapy and sessions with a Certified Brain Therapist at a Christ centered clinic. My therapists are amazing and walk alongside me on this journey. I also work to manage my nutrition and most recently have seen the benefits of hydrogen water, grounding and breathing.  I am willing to try other options as well, these methods seem to lesson the symptoms. And most importantly I allow myself to rest and prioritize my health (this is challenging for me because I'm a doer and a fixer). My husband is my rock and supports me in so many ways every day.

I am grateful my symptoms seem mild compared to others with NFD and work every day to balance the weakness and fatigue with the daily tasks of managing a business and my family. I often say my body had enough, as my RuRu would have said, my nerves were shot. My neurological system took the hit for years of stress and trauma and protected me from something worse. I would not have slowed down, rested or walked away from unnecessary stress, situations or people on my own. 

So now I rest, I choose peace and healing. I hope you do too. 

While it might take me a little longer to get there, I walk a little slower and don't stay as long. I'll keep on getting up, dressing up and showing one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. 

Grace and Peace, 

Misty 

#luvlivebig #bthelite

https://fndhope.org/

Be the light #bthelite

Have you ever noticed that light will always find it way through the darkness? Fireflys light up the night sky in the summertime, light comes through the cracks. It might be only a glimmer, a flicker of light, but it it finds a way through. 

And sometimes people can be the light. 

My precious Meemaw, who left this world a year ago today, was just that, the light. She lived simply, and honored Jesus in all she did. Her light was not loud, blarring, or attention getting. It was a constant, steady light for the Lord. 
 

I had the gift of loving her for  over 50 years, her light guided me all of my life and will continue to guide me every day. She lived by example saying things like " Pretty is as pretty does" and, "I choose to be happy every day, happiness is a choice." 

I always knew she was strong beyond understanding. I've blogged about her spirit, her life, her obstacles. But today I realized her light was so bright because of her cracks. Because she knew great heart ache and pain she also knew God would provide. Her hope was not in this world, it was in Jesus. People with bright lights understand and know great pain. 

I'm grateful God showed me this today. It's hard to have a big heart, to give big love in a broken world. I have experienced great loss over the last seven years and often I have thought it might be easier to keep to myself to not let anyone in because then there would be no more loss. But, I know that is not what God wants. He creates us all for a specific purpose, gives us life cirucumstances for a reason so we can help others. We are all here to walk each other home, to help each other along the way. 

I will let God's light shine through me it whatever way He chooses for I know His words are true. 

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5

"You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden." Matthew 5:14

Even a small amount of light gives hope to others. Keep shining your light my friends!

#bthelite

#luvlivebig 

Grace and Peace, 

Misty

Can't you just see the light in her smile?! I can just imagine how brightly it shines in heaven. 

Small steps add up to big accomplishments, keep on keepin' on

2020 has been a big, hot mess. The world is upside down and it's been a stressful year. But, don't stop achieving your goals, dreaming your dreams and moving forward. 

Eight years ago I had a goal to get in shape and create an exercise routine. I wanted to get in a daily routine because I knew if I formed a habit I would have better success. At the time that seemed impossible because I had three boys at home and worked full time managing my business. Life was busy.

So, like a lot of people do I made a New Year's resolution to work out more. I tried Pure Barre and it was the hardest yet best work out I had ever done. My long time friends know my love for ballet and the many years I dedicated to the art. I never found anything I loved as much as ballet but when I discovered Pure Barre I finally found I work out I loved again.

I made time for me, made an appointment for myself every week day morning at 8:30 and I held firmly to that time. Once I realized the mental and physical benefits Pure Barre gave me I knew it was ok to be "selfish" to give myself time each day because it always made my days better and it was also better for those around me too. It changed my outlook and gave me much more energy. 

I started with class three days a week and eventually increased it to 4-5 days per week. After I hit my 100 class mark I decided I was going to keep going. I wanted to get to 1,000! So I did life and kept taking classes, it became a part of my daily life. And, life sure happened along the way. We walked though the illness and passing of two parents, moving a business, and 2 boys graduating high school and moving to college. But all of this was more manageable because I had my time at the barre. 

And, oh the ladies I have met along the way! They are the most fantastic ladies, all in different phases of life facing different challenges. God placed some amazing women in my life every morning, they have each taught me something new. The best advice I ever received was to find at least one friend 10 years younger than you ( they can keep your outlook updated ) and one friend 10 years older than you (they have perspective to share). I see those friends every morning in my class, how awesome is that?!

So, eight years later, I achieved my 1,000 class goal today. That equates to 830 hours of total body work outs and over 25 hours of holding a plank. To me it equates to a goal achieved, and a reminder that no matter how long it takes to get there, achieving goals is a great feeling. Never stop setting goals and always keep on keep'n on. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other and before you know it you will look up and you have crushed the goal! 

Was it easy to accomplish this? No, it took time, dedication and persistence. Some mornings I did not want to go, I was exhausted, over scheduled and sore. A lot of times I had clothes in my car to change into for work, I have to plan the night ahead to make sure I can finish my work each day. Often in the beginning (when the weather allowed) I took my dog with me because she was used to going with me to work so she would sit in my car and patiently wait for me to finish class and off we would go. Was it worth it? 100% yes!

How can you do it? I know you can, if I can, you can!

1. Find an exercise you love, don't stop until you find it. You will feel better, look better and communicate better

2. Make time for it, you deserve it 

3. Set a goal

4. Take small steps every day to achieve the goal 

5. While you are working on the goal don't forget to look around you, God will place people in your life along the way, He's amazing like that. 

6. Keep it simple and stick to the routine

"Stand firm, and you will win life." Luke 21:19

"But you, be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work.”2 Chronicles 15:7

#luvlivebig

Grace and Peace,

Misty

The love of a daddy

The love of a daddy is never forgotten. I miss my dad every day, he's been with Jesus for over four years. Father's Day weekend the past four years has been hard, but this year it's a little easier. I think it's because I'm able to focus on all of the gifts he gave me and my boys. The fog has cleared a little, and I'm seeing all of the the great things he taught us. These things that are so woven in our lives, and I did not have the ability to see they were given to me from him until now. I've always said that grief is a nasty beast, we can not control it. But I have learned that we can live through it.

Thank you dad, for being you. He was a big influence in my life from the beginning. When I was little I remember his big laugh, he had a big presence in a room. He filled it with love the minute he walked in a room. Wow, look how young he was when I was born, a baby himself.

Thank you dad for teaching me to make the most of every day. He was loyal and and hard working and taught me to appreciate the little things along the way. Whenever he could, we would have fun as a family, at the beach or a water park and he was right in the middle playing along with all of us. When he passed away I started using the hashtag #luvlivebig because that is what he did, every day.

Thank you dad for teaching me my love of dance.  He loved to dance and was a fan of Kenny Rodgers, oh how I remember listening to The Gambler on the record player. I think Kenny was the sound track of my youth. He taught me the classic dances and always said that my ballet training would not be enough, I needed to know how to fox trot and waltz and he wanted to be the one to teach me. We would spin around in the den and I will always remember his smile and the laughter.

Thank you dad for giving me my love for the beach. He loved going to the beach every summer and he taught me that sunrises were magical and you could find the best sea treasures in the early morning hours. I would often join him on his early morning walks. He was a quiet soul much like me and we would walk for an hour without speaking along the water's edge picking up treasures along the way. From these walks, I learned that I needed quiet time every morning to best prepare for the day. I still wake up early most mornings while the  house is quiet and enjoy this time. Thank you dad for letting me walk along beside you on those beach mornings, they are some of my favorite memories. 

Thank you dad for your gift with words. He was creative and had a natural gift with words. I also love to write and I am so grateful for all the cards and letters he wrote me over the years. Reading his words mean so much and I love seeing his handwriting, 

Thank you dad for you love of Southern food and BBQ. My favorite was always his gravy and biscuits. He would roll out the home made biscuits with a M, S and T for all of his kids and his gravy was the very best. Breakfast will always be my favorite meal and the one I like to prepare most for my family. When I was out of college and working he still made me a home made breakfast platters to go every morning and when I was living on my own, some mornings I would walk out of my apartment to find a hot plate of gravy and biscuits on my door step with a note. He could BBQ like no other. Every time I smell backyard BBQ I think of him. 

Thank you dad for being the best Pops to my boys. You loved them all BIG and were their biggest fans. Whenever something happens in their lives I want to call you. Then I realize, you already know and I can see your big smile and can hear you telling them Way to go! Your love for them will never fade, it was just so big in life and will never end. 

Happy Father's Day in heaven Pops. Until I see you again I will continue to do my best to honor you each day and we will all keep on keepin' on just like you taught us. #luvlivebig

Grace and Peace, 

Misty 

Valentine's Day- Love one another

Valentine's Day is a few days away and it's a good time to tell the people in our lives how much we love them. I am grateful to share the day with my family but not everyone has a special person or people with whom they can enjoy the day.


This Valentine's will you consider taking a few minutes to make someone feel special, someone who might often be overlooked? We all have a story and we all have battles we fight every day. We never know what someone else is facing or how a kind word, smile or small gift might make a big impact.


A few years ago my neighbor lost her husband to a heart attack. We did not know them that well but we always said hello and waved when we saw them in their yard or on a walk. My heart broke for her when she suddenly lost her husband and found herself alone with two college aged sons.


The first year she was a widow my oldest son took her a bouquet of flowers with a note on Valentine's morning. It was a simple gesture and we just wanted her to know she was loved. God placed her on my heart that year and every year since one of my boys has taken her flowers on Valentine's morning.  I've never told anyone what we did and I have not spoken directly to her about it as we aren't looking for recognition. I'm writing about it now to give you an idea of what you could do for someone.


Do you know a widow, a single mom, the school crossing guard, the school lunch attendant, the cashier at Walgreens who always smiles when you check-out? Who is God placing on your heart today?


It does not have to be expensive or elaborate. A kind word and hug go a long way.


"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34.


Grace and Peace,
Misty

A mama's heart knows...

A mama's heart is unique, it holds great wisdom, it's big and full of love for her children and it knows. It knows when her child needs her, it knows when her child is hurting, it knows when her child has something to celebrate and it also knows when she has to let her child fall down, learn and grow. Some call it intuition, or a gut feeling. I call it my mama's heart.

A mama's heart worries, it hurts, it silently cries for her children. It's unique by design. God gave children moms for very specific reasons and their hearts help them fulfill God's purpose. Luke wrote, “and his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.” – Luke 2:51

God tells us in Proverbs “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.” – Proverbs 1:8-9 

My mama heart is hurting right now for other moms. Moms who have lost their children. My heart is broken in a million pieces for them. But yet there is still light among the broken pieces, because in Jesus there is always hope. 

I knew their children and my boys were friends with them. Precious Bailey Purkey was the lifeguard at our summer time pool and graduated high school with Bryce. Her brother Jake, is a good friend of my Drew's. Bailey traveled to Brazil for missions trips with Drew and was involved in youth group with both Bryce and Drew. God called her home at the young age of 21. A beautiful, kind, loving young lady now has a new home in heaven. I'll never understand why she had to suffer with cancer. But,God tells us this world is not our home. We are just passing through and Bailey touched many lives in this world. Maybe God knew it was time for her to fulfill her purpose with Him in heaven.  My mama's heart knows it is beautiful there. But, my heart still hurts for her family because I'm a mom and I can not even begin to imagine the sense of loss and heartbreak they are walking through. 

Clint McCollom was a good friend of my Drew's. Looking back. I realize God knew they needed each other and their paths crossed just two years ago when Drew met Clint his Junior year in high school. They had an instant connection and found solitude from the world at the skate park and driving in Clint's jeep with the top down. They were two young adults trying to figure it out, that age can be tough and they were walking alongside each other as friends. I'll never understand why he lost his life at age 19. Seems like it was just beginning, he was going down a great job path and was having success. From my understanding he had grown closer to Jesus in the days prior to his death. I never thought I would see my 18 year old son walking behind his 19 year old friends casket and help carry it to the hearse and speak at his friend's funeral. Maybe God knew it was a good time to call him home. I will never know why but I'm hanging on to the hope that Clint loved Jesus because I know his sweet family and friends will see him again. 

So, my "whys" will not be answered in this life. But God tells us over and over again in the bible that this world is not our home. 

"But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ," Philippians 3:20

In John 16:33 Jesus says, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” I am taking hope in the knowledge that He has overcome the world and all things work to the good for those who serve Him. 

I have been a new mom, a single mom, a working mom, a stay at home mom, a mom to three children in many of life phases, with the most recent college phase. I have not been a mom grieving the loss of my child. But my mama's heart knows they have a hole in their heart that will not be filled in this life and I will pray for them every day. I am devastated for them yet I see the light because the light is Jesus and in Him there is hope. 

#luvlivebig

Grace and Peace, 
Misty 

What my middle son has taught me in 18 years

Today is my middle son's 18th birthday. Once your children become young adults, you start to have perspective on parenting. I'm by no means saying I have it figured out, (I learn something new every day, some good, some not so good) I know I never will have it all figured out, but the years have granted me perspective. I don't know if it's years of experience, the power of life's rear view mirror or just the fact that I'm older and have more life experiences, but milestone birthdays are perfect days to reflect.

God gave me a delightful blue eye, blond hair little boy 18 years ago today. Delightful is the best word to describe baby Drew. He rarely cried, he demanded very little, and was a sweet and peaceful baby. That was great, because his older brother was the more dominant of the duo. All children are different, and as a young parent you quickly learn how to manage different personalities.

 As he grew a little older, he loved to explore, was tenacious, and determined in a quiet way. Pre-teen Drew was even more determined and loyal. He loved soccer and every time he stepped on the field he gave it all he had. Teenager Drew showed us how much he loved God's people. He had a heart for others and reached out to many in his quiet, unique way. My prayer is young adult Drew will continue to have all of these qualities and God will continue to use him.

One story I clearly remembered was when he was two. We had a bake sale at work and I brought home a huge chocolate cake and I gave the boys a piece and later placed in on top of the refrigerator to keep it out of sight while they took their naps. When I went back after their naps to get them up, I found Drew on the kitchen counter covered in chocolate with the biggest grin I have ever seen. To this day I have no idea how he climbed on the counter and got the cake down, he was so quiet, I never heard a sound. That's how he has been most of these 18 years, quietly, tenaciously growing up.


As I was guiding  him, he was also reminding me, showing me. The things I was always telling him, he was soaking them up and just doing them.

• If you want something, work toward it, set goals, never give up. Fuel your passions. Just like he got that chocolate cake, he has quietly worked toward many goals. I'm still amazed how he raised money for three years to go on a Spring Break mission trip to Brazil. This is actually the first birthday he has spent at home in three years. He never wanted a party, a present; just wanted to do God's work in Brazil. I have not been with him to Brazil; always felt it was his place. The pictures from his time there are gifts to me because I see how much he loves being in Recife. The church leaders tell me how hard he works and truly makes a difference. He never speaks of the work he does, but talks about the friendships and his face lights up when he talks about them. 

• Always be kind to others, you never know what they are facing. He has the unique ability to know when someone needs a little extra help. He's mentored underclassman by talking to them, including them, inviting them to join the soccer team. I don't think he even realizes he's doing it. A teacher sent him a card this school year to thank him for how he included others. Parents tell me he has made a difference in the student's life. That's who he is and he gets embarrassed when you mention it to him because he is just being himself. 
• Be loyal. He is a fierce protector of his younger brother. I have always told all three boys that brothers stick together and Drew takes that to heart. While he can by a typical big brother, pestering and annoying, he has protected Garret from the beginning. I know that was not always easy for him. We are a blended family and not everyone was accepting of a new sibling. But, Drew has the ability to see trough things and loves his little brother. He won't often admit it , but he loves his big brother too. 

Thank you Drew for showing us all through your example. Just a few reminders for you to keep in mind on this next adventure called college.  

1. Keep God first in all you do, lean on him.

2. Be of this world not in this world.

3. Yes, I have always encouraged you to be the light, but remember sometimes people need more help than you can provide. Learn the difference.Your gut will tell you when this happens. Don't let someone drag you down. It is much harder to dig yourself out of a hole. Don't fall down in the hole trying to fix someone. 

4. Brush your teeth, drink lots of water, get some rest

5. Don't wait until the night before a test to study, get help along the way. Remember small steps lead to great accomplishments. Go to class. 

6. Keep your circle of friends small, know who you can trust.

7. Remember this too shall pass, don't sweet the small stuff. Find joy in each day.

8. We are always here for you, no worry is too small no problem is too big. 

And, I know you are probably mad at me for posting this because you hate attention. I'm celebrating you and I'm grateful for all you have taught me in your 18 years. Your family is forever on your side, I am your fiercest supporter. Keep on dancing to the beat of your own unique playlist! Go move those mountains!

Happy Birthday Drew Nicholas. 

Grace and Peace, 

Mom

#luvlivebig