It's been a year, perspective

Dear Dad,

It's been a year, 365 days since you left us and went home. I've dreaded this day for an entire year and now it is here.

When I woke up this morning, my first thought was I made it through an entire year without you and survived. I haven't fallen apart yet, I'm smiling and laughing and remembering you today on this beautiful fall day. I might fall apart later. That's the thing about grief. It's sneaky and it's a nasty beast. Some days it feels like a blanket wrapping itself all around me and some times it feels like a deep dark hole.

We all survived loosing you, our family's biggest supporter, and strong hold. It wasn't just the loss of you it was the loss of things we thought were true and real, the loss of your big presence in our daily lives, the loss of the best Pops there ever was, the loss of your warm chuckle, and your love for good food and adventures. It was a big loss because you were a big person in all of our lives.

I guess you already know but I wanted to update you on the boys. Bryce, he's coming into his own. He's matured a lot this last year. I didn't realize it but he chose a few of your prints from the office and they are hanging in his room. Remember that Allen Hughes duck print you had forever, from the 80's? It's hanging above his bed and the Tinman 1 license plate; it's been in his car for a year. He has your favorite Cubs hat too, it went with us to game two of the World Series and he wore it the entire journey.

Drew, made another hole in one. Remember you called him Ace? He loved that nickname. He's funny and quirky and navigating his way through high school. Garret, plays every sport game for you. He told me he talks to you before every game and  he knows you are watching him.

We may never understand why you left us the way you did or when you did. I won't dwell on all of the heartbreaking, crazy things that happened this year. I will be joyful that I came out of this year stronger than I was before and more determined to live each day big. Speaking of living and loving big, I've been doing it in your honor all year. Did you see how much I loved the beauty of Ireland and soaked up the Cubs World Series victory? I know you did, I felt your presence with me.

Thank you Pops for always loving us and for giving of yourself to us daily. Thank you for never saying a bad word about anyone and letting us form our own opinions that you knew would stick more than your words ever would.

Keep our Mimi company up there for us. We will keep on keeping on, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other down here. #luvlivebig

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

Grace and Peace,
Misty

The Cubs are more than just a baseball team

The Chicago Cubs are often referred to as the lovable losers. They had not won a World Series in 108 years and a national league pennant in 71 years until the recent win this year. My family has been Cubs fan ever since I can remember. My dad was their biggest fan. He instilled a love in the Cubbies at an early age and passed down the passion to his five grand kids.

He took us to Chicago as often as he could and when the grand kids came along, we all went together. Most games they didn't win, we didn't care. We sat in Wrigley Field eating our popcorn and cracker jacks and cheered them on together as a family. My dad said he loved Wrigley because it was one of the last old school ball parks; you could just smell the peanuts and hot dogs and enjoy a ball game. He ran away from his home in Kentucky when he was 15 years old and ended up in Chicago selling magazine subscriptions door to door until his father finally found him. Chicago was where he wanted to be, and even at the age of 15 he found a way of getting what he wanted. He went to his first Cubs game and he was hooked.

My oldest son went when he was three. My dad drove us both to Chicago. We rode the Ferris wheel at the Navy Pier and took the L train to Wrigley Field. This was also my first game. I was a ballerina girl, never really interested in ball games. But having my first son changed me and I'm glad I went. I too was hooked; Cubs fan for life.

My dad took my brother for a play off game in 2003 and although they lost, they made a great memory.

My sister and her family have been several times and my niece and nephew are also loyal Cubs fans.

When Chris and I married, we took a trip to Chicago to celebrate Tony's bday and we have taken the boys several times to cheer for our Cubs. 

So, when they made it to the World Series this year we had to go. Bryce and I got in the car and drove over 1500 miles in 48 hours to Cleveland to see game two. It was the road trip of a lifetime in memory of my dad and we talked about him throughout the journey. It was amazing to see them win but it was even better to spend that time with my oldest son.

It was more than a trip to the World Series because being a Cubs fan is more than just watching baseball. Win or loose they made it and we will always root, root, root for the Cubbies! #flythew

Pops guided us the entire journey, that's his favorite hat on the dashboard. 

"Being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience," Colossians 1:11

Grace and Peace, 

Misty 

A note to my son on his 18th birthday

My first born, the baby boy who made me a mom first, came into this world 18 years ago today.  My life forever changed that day and it has been a journey filled with equal amounts of joy and heartbreak, tears, celebrations, and an abundance of love. I learned as I went with him, since he was my first and we evolved together.

He learned a lot of life's tough lessons early and I know there are still many to learn. As he moves through the next stage of his life, I hope he remembers a few things I've taught him along the way....

1. Always put God first, always. There are no short cuts on this one.
2. Trust your "inner voice" your gut, that's God whispering to you, listen.
3.  Right is right and wrong is wrong, there are no grey areas. If in your gut, you know it is wrong, do not do it. It is that simple.
4. Respect women always, open doors, pull out her chair, take time to truly listen to her. Treat her like the gift she is.
5. Be joyful, grateful, and humble. Life is full of daily miracles, notice them.
6. You do not need a group of many friends, you need a couple of true friends. When you find them, hold onto them,
7. Remember those life lessons you learned early? Don't forget them, don't repeat them. Learn from them and move forward.
8. Work hard now for the next five years. If you work hard your Senior year and all through college you will be able to play the rest of your life. You will be set up to succeed. If you play the next five years, you will work the rest of your life. The choice is yours, choose wisely.
9. When in doubt, open your bible.  You will find the answers.
10. I am always here for you. No problem is too big, no worry is too small.

Bryce, I truly believe the best is yet to come in your life. God has a plan and it's amazing to watch it unfold. It's been a joy to walk with you the last 18 years. Happy Birthday, today is your day. I hope you celebrate, dance, sing and are joyful today and every day. I love you to heaven and back.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6


Grace and Peace,
Mom

Everyone has a story to tell, sometimes you simply have to just be silent to hear them

I love to travel, to see new things and meet new people. But mostly I love to travel to learn new stories. We all have a story to tell. Some of us deliver our stories in a whisper, through our actions and others, well you just know it because they deliver them in a louder way. Our stories make us who we are, tell where we have been and give others a glimpse on where we are going. Sometimes people will share their stories with you instantly and sometimes it takes time but often you just have to be silent long enough to truly hear them.

All of them have similar themes of hope, celebrations, love, sorrow and loss and what you find out along the way is that our stories have things in common. We all overcome obstacles, experience heartbreak and face losses in this life.

During my recent trip to Ireland I met John. John was playing the flute overlooking the Coumeenole beach in Dingle Co Ireland. His music was beautiful and in the perfect setting.

 I talked to him for a few minutes, bought a CD and asked his name. I thanked him for the beautiful music and asked if I could take a picture.

It was funny, the first picture was quick.

 The, he said let me hug you and take another.

Well the hug was a little too tight but it made me giggle and now John is a part of my Ireland vacation story and I play his CD often and remember the beautiful scenery along coastal Ireland.

Then a little further down the coast, I met Charlotte. Charlotte was a precious toddler. Her dad was the caretaker of the beehive huts which are dwellings dating back to the 12th century. We waved, she gave me a high five and told me bye. It was a brief interaction but she touched my heart. She was a beautiful little girl in a gorgeous setting along the Dingle Peninsula.

If we slow down and look around, we see stories everywhere. "And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for which such sacrifices God is pleased." Hebrews 13:16.

Grace and Peace,
Misty

Grief is a journey

My dad left this world a little over six months ago. Since that time I've learned many things, but mostly I've learned that grief is a journey. It's not a final destination, it's not breathing through the initial shock, it's not surviving the funeral or all of the details, it's a journey. It definitely comes over you in waves and at first it's all about getting through the waves when they are the strongest. Then the waves become a part of the new you. You realize they are not going to go away, you have to learn to live with them.

A few other insights from the past six months:

1. After a loss of a parent you become a different person. You don't make this choice, it just happens. You are different. I'm a fatherless daughter. There's a hole and a sense of emptiness and I don't think the hole will ever be filled.  You won't understand it until you have been through it and you don't want to understand it, it's heartbreaking. My friends who had lost their dads before me were a great comfort to me the first few days and weeks after his death. I knew they "got it" and they were living with a great loss themselves and I was now a member of their club.

2. You begin to truly appreciate each day. Each day is a gift and although the grief is always there your eyes are open to the true beauty of the moment.

3. You have no tolerance for drama or politics. I had very little tolerance for it before but now I have absolutely no room for drama of any kind in my life. Time is too precious to waste the energy.

4. The bigger the love the greater the sense of loss. My dad and I had our ups and downs like most relationships but I always knew he loved me. He loved me and those around him BIG. Because his loved and lived BIG, I feel a big sense of loss. But, I also have big memories that carry me through the waves.

5. You won't realize the true impact he had on your life until he is gone. I worked with my dad every day for the past eight years but I did not realize just how much he meant to me until he was gone. It was only when I could not call him, when he didn't walk in the door at the office, when his seat was empty at the dining room table that I fully understood his enormous presence in my life and the life of my boys.  

6. He is always with me. I feel his presence often.  Sometimes is a cardinal that lands on the tree outside of my office window at just the right time. Sometimes it's a whisper, a voice that guides me. Sometimes it's a word or expression. You just have to listen and be aware.

7. Loss let's you see more clearly. Sometimes it's things you don't want to see but things you need to see. The truth somehow comes to light. You learn who you can really trust.

8. You won't "get over it." It's not something you will ever get over. You will learn to live with the loss but it will never go away and those who have not experienced it will not understand it. You can't expect them to understand.

9. Nothing can prepare you for the initial sense of loss. My dad was sick for several years and I knew his years were numbered but nothing could have ever prepared me for that moment, that phone call; it was the biggest shock of my life. God carried me through, that is the only way I managed those first few days.

10. You learn that life will go on. It will be forever changed but you can choose how to walk through the journey.

I'm choosing to walk through this journey by living and loving BIG in his honor, one day at a time....

Grace and Peace,

Misty

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